Counseling Blog
Emotional & Relational Health from a Christian Perspective
For many men, coming home at the end of the day will inevitably lead to being reminded that they don’t know what they are doing and feeling like they are failing at being the dad and husband their family needs. It can feel like your family members are criticizing you and disappointed in you. This is an extremely painful experience and we often try to avoid such painful feelings at all costs, because we associate them with the loss of relationship.
Does it feel like every time you try to engage your partner about something that is on your mind, he disappears, withdraws, or pulls away? It feels like you never talk to each other and you never connect about things that are important to you. When you do bring things up, you are often left feeling invalidated and misunderstood. You want to know what he’s thinking, feeling, and going through, but you’re often just left guessing. You want to enjoy his company and know that he enjoys you! You know he is a strong, resilient, and hardworking man who would do anything for you and your family, but when things get difficult it feels like you can’t reach him. He might get quiet, angry, defensive, or go into fix-it mode, but the result is the same no matter what: you feel alone and like your spouse is unavailable to you.
When dealing with anger, it is important to remember that you always have a choice in how you respond when you feel angry. Some choices are more beneficial than others. You can choose between suppression, open aggression, passive aggression, assertiveness, and dropping it. If you can slow down enough to evaluate what is causing your anger and what you hope to accomplish by expressing the anger, you will find the choice to be far more manageable.
